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Why he has not taken you to the altar

9

I feel for ladies who are in a relationship for so many years and there is no sign of progress. The guy has not proposed or taken you to see his family. Perhaps he proposed long time ago and the wedding date is not fixed. Whenever you bring up the question, he avoids it or tells you it will happen soon. This is a relationship of hope with no evidence.

Let me share what you don’t know about men that is affecting this situation. Men are convenient human being. We prefer to do what is easy and comfortable; tasks and activities that don’t require too much of our time and money. It is discouraging for us to think of investing months and sometimes years to save thousands of dollars and blow it up one day on ring and wedding. Yea, that reality is hard for us to swallow.

Also, we have the mentality of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Have you ever tried to get your man to do something around the house and he keeps procrastinating? It’s because he doesn’t see the urgency of fixing it. Whatever you asked him to fix still has a bit of life in it. Recently I was trying to fix a “broken” door knob at my house and my wife said, the door knob has been dangling for a while. In my mind I said now that is broken, I see why I need to fix it lol. That’s just a common attitude of men; we perform damage control rather than practice prevention.

What is the real reason why he has not proposed?  Give me a drum roll………………………

(1) HE IS NOT CONVINCED YOU ARE THE ONE

It’s imperative to discover if he’s into you and want a future together. Otherwise you are wasting your time in a relationship that could be a dead end. Sit him down and have heart to heart conversation. This is a conversation you have in a non-emotional state. Don’t have the “So” called conversation. That’s the angry conversation when you ask, “So where is this relationship going? So when am I going to meet your parents? So when are you going to pop the question?”

These type of questions scare a man and it’s hard to get the truth out of him at that moment. He can perceive you are angry and he will abstain from saying something that may get his head cut off. In response to your questions, he will lie and tell you what you want to hear and not what you need to know! It’s important to talk to him in a calm voice and a time when you feel the two of you are in a good mood i.e after a meal, during discussion about general things in life…

(2) YOU HAVE ALLOWED HIM TO BECOME COMPLACENT WITH YOUR CURRENT STATUS

It’s time to shake things up. In order to get him to do what you want, exercise one of these:

(a) Give him ultimatum. Tell him if he doesn’t propose to you by a time frame, this relationship is not going to happen again. Men don’t like ultimatum but if he really loves and wants to keep you, he will do it.

(b) Break-Up to Make-Up. Like I said at the beginning, if it’s not broken, he’s not going to fix it. Obviously your relationship still has life in it like my dangling door knob and that’s why he’s not quick to action. We take you more serious when the relationship is broken. He will come back for damage control if he really loves and wants a future with you.

 

Do you have an opinion to share on this subject? kindly sign off with your comment below

Gfem can be reached on twitter and email for speaking engagement: gfem@gfemspeaks.com

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9 Comments

  1. Oluwatoyin on

    Absolutely right, many atimes, ladies are deceived with the sweet talks and the fake confession of the guys, claiming to love them, calling them all sweet names that will sweep them off the floor. Forgetting that they are wasting precious time with the guy. The moment as a lady, you ask a guy where your relationship is heading to, and in return, he changes the topic or better still, he’s asking you why did you become so desperate, ladies, that’s a clue that you need to move on. Ladies out there, be wise, watchful and prayerful. Don’t be deceived any longer.

    • Hi Toyin, those are great clues you mentioned. Definitely ladies have to be wise, watchful, and prayerful as you said because relationship is not just based on emotions alone.

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